A Radical Educational Alternative for our Family

Beverley Paine, 1997

We began homeschooling 11 years ago and even now, every so often, I am reminded by the shocked look I get from people that the lifestyle we've chosen is considered radical.

In many ways we feel like we're much the same as any other family, but a closer examination soon reveals the differences. For example, no fridge, no flushing toilet, no mains electricity, and no school for our children!

Before my partner enthused me with his do-it-yourself philosophy during the last of our tender and naive adolescent years, I was a regular person, dreaming of an ordinary life. Never in my wildest dreams did I picture the life we live now.

And this lifestyle choice isn't without it's dissenters. A couple of years ago my father floored me by commenting that I "could have been successful if I had wanted to", totally discounting our achievements to date. We own our home, are debt free, and have three thriving children. I keep myself busy looking after and educating my children, and write and publish a regular newsletter with hundreds of subscribers. What more could I want?

His idea of success is a university degree and six figure salary. It's not mine. I'd much rather have the life we're living now.

By rejecting what others think is necessary to thrive I have found personal power and freedom. Power to choose for myself what is right for me and my family, and freedom to find or create it.

And in doing so, I have been able to reduce my dependence on money, the thing that so often gets in the way of seeing my own happiness.

Not everyone has the opportunity to live this way, even if they wanted to. We don't need a fridge because we live to the shops: if we want meat and dairy products we buy it the same day consume it. We eat what we prepare so no need for refridgerating leftovers.

A composting toilet, although an ethical choice for us, is often not available to most people, due to ignorant local goverment by-laws.

Generating our own power fits with our Earth-friendly philosophy, but tinkering with electronics is Robin's hobby also. He was interested in renewable energy as a teenager in the 1970s.

Those three things are radical enough, and because of them we've been called "feral hippies", but add in homeschooling and wow, that's a whole new level of weirdness to think about!

Especially given that we live 100 metres from our local school!

However homeschooling is simply a natural extension of the do-it-yourself philosophy.

Robin was always going to build his own home, not by contracting it out to builders, but with his own hands. It was a passion project of his, and we're now living in the second house we've owner-built.

Why spend a lifetime aiming for self-reliance only to hand over your children to someone else, or more accurately an endless stream of other people over twelve or more years, to teach them those important lessons about life?

People's surprise at learning we're home educating quickly turns to questions regarding our children's social life. Aren't we worried about socialisation? As if that's the main reason kids go to school in the first place. In most people's minds it seems to be more important than academic achievement.

After 11 years of homeschooling any fears or concerns we may have had on that account are well and truly dispelled.

Even though we live in a rural area and like-minded friends who also homeschool typically tend to live an hour's drive from our place, we've found ways to connect and get together often enough the satisfy the children's social needs. Plus we tap into activities, classes and events that are offered within community, most after-school or weekends (just like other families!)

Early on in our homeschooling life I started producing a state-wide newsletter, Within no time, I was receiving phone calls from people I had never met inquiring about how to begin homeschooling. Many of these grew into friendships. We organised excursions, playdates and camps together.

When I talk to people about home education I draw upon my experiences first. Most of what I learn is derived from personal observation, and this is often confirmed by something I read. I remember being surprised by how many homeschooling families over the years have echoed my experiences, despite varying philosophies and approaches to education.

And my conclusion was that this thing we are doing called home educating, is actually better labelled as 'parenting'.

I find that many parents, particularly mothers, fondly remember their children's preschool years as a time of closeness and busyness, doing lots of activities together. Back then hassles and problems had to be worked on in a timely fashion to restore family harmony.

Homeschooling was simply retaining this approach to parenting for the next ten years of a child's life. Whatever we did well as parents of preschoolers we continued to do. Which was lots of hands-on learning: making, creating, exploring, experimenting, being busy.

We found that most of the things we dropped along the way were traditional educational activities and ideas. These often had no meaning in the home environment, or were too contrived to be of any real use.

The children were, and still are, our harshest critics of our educational and parenting approach!

Naturally, our daily rhythm and routine has changed over the years as our children have grown and we have learned to be more confident and competent educating parents.

How our eldest was educated and parented is completely different from our youngest. There are six years between them. We started out with messages in our heads about how life should look and be, messages that belonged to our parents' era, It was hard, and often confronting, work challenging those assumptions everyday, unpicking them, dismissing them, finding alternatives that worked for us.

We were living a different pathway, one that included learning about permaculture and natural learning, and it was that which shaped our lives, not the old messages in our heads about the importance of appearance, competition and money.

Every day we have to make difficult decisions about what we are going to do and how to do it. Difficult, because everything impacts on everything else and we need to tread lightly on the planet. Maintaining the wonderful relationships we have in this family is just as important: I believe by building families we build communities.

Home education is an enormous commitment by us to our children's lives and futures. The responsibilities of being there each day for them is sometimes daunting, but friends are quick to offer support.

I know that we are pioneers of homeschooling in South Australia, and that pioneering work is often hard. I believe in a family's right to choose the most appropriate education for their children that meets their children's individual needs. So often people are happy to select from the limited smorgasbord already available without thinking they can create something entirely different!

With homeschooling education can be whatever you want it to be. Whatever you need right now. For me that is the freedom and power I feel I have, and I want for my children as they grow up.

Post script: I'm a grandma now, with five awesome grandkids, all home educated. My kids opted to go down the same educational path, because it made sense to tailor their children's education to suit their needs. Although my parents never saw me as successful, I'm so proud of my kids and how they're achieving their goals, even if their goals don't align with my values.

It seems appropriate to quote Kahil Gibran's at this point:

"Your children are not your children.
  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
  They come through you but not from you,
  And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

  You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
  For they have their own thoughts.
  You may house their bodies but not their souls,
  For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
  You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
  For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."